Hard

Hard does not describe or come close to what this is.

Actually, before I begin, I have one request: that no one comment about how sorry they are for me. I am not sorry, that is not what I am here looking for so please, do not be sorry. I have four amazing daughters...that is just awesome and Jake and I have both decided that there is just something magical about twins....well, these twins anyway. It's just different this time and we can't seem to put our finger on why. It's neat.

Ok, now for the vent session or whatever you wish to call this. I was doing pretty good, really I was, then I made a mistake. I went out into the real world, where people don't do what I do all day and night and it hit me just how insane this really is. I wonder if it would have been better to just stay here, in my little blissful bubble? 4 kids under 2 1/2. 4. Four. Quatro.

Lydia and Samantha are bored to tears and are being very bad. Every day is a LITTLE bit better but for the most part it seems as though some one stole my children and replaced them with these very bad little girls. They are just adjusting and it will pass but man oh man! I mean bad. I miss them. I really do.

Nora and Sophie have taken it upon themselves to schedule their fussy time in between 9pm and 12pm...right when we really do not have any more energy and we just NEED to go to sleep. And this too shall pass. Not only will it pass, I'll wish it back. We mommies are just wacked in the head. We are insane and we miss it when it's normal? Something is screwy there.

Today I changed three poopy diapers, stripped a two year old of her pee soaked clothes, 'treated' the couch for a pee stain, answered the phone and talked on the phone all while feeding a 5 week old baby who was groaning at me the whole time for not holding still so she could eat. This was at 10am and I still had not had breakfast or gotten dressed myself. It is like that ALL the time. I wish I could just zap to you in some supernatural way just how crazy this is.

We have a couch/sectional that seats about 10 people. It's huge. Tonight I walked in to sit down and I was trumped by toys. No where to sit. 10 places and there it not one for me.

The most frustrating part about all of this is much deeper however. I get incredibly sad that it's going to end one day and that I do not have the time I want with each of my kids. I so wish that I had more time, right now, to spend with each of them. All I want to do all day is sit and play with just Lydia and just Samantha and just Sophie and just Nora. That truly is the hardest part...feeling torn.

p.s. not the bad Lydia and Samantha, the other Lydia and Samantha!