Saturday, December 29, 2007

How Does She Do It?

I get that question a lot, a lot, a lot.
So, I thought tonight would be a perfect night to share that answer with you.
WARNING: if you are a grandmother, first time mom or just a worry wart, you may want to skip this - you've been warned so I don't want to hear anything but "WOW you did great Holly!"
(that was for you Mom and Mrs Panter!!!)

ok, let's see if I can do this:

1. 7p Nora gets really really fussy and starts that disgusting burping that Sophie had a few days ago.
2. 7:30 Mom figures out Nora has had diarrhea in her pants this whole time, thus, the fussiness
3. Diaper had been so bad so long that there was major diaper rash
4. Mom makes executive decision to let her 'air out' (it's the only cure around here with all my sensitive skinned girls)
5. Mom runs downstairs to get church directory to call the Nursery Director to tell her she can't be there to help tomorrow
6. Mom comes upstairs, not having made the call yet, to find two very large puddles of diarrhea on the floor, Samantha stepping in one, Sophie making a b-line to the other and Lydia calling mommy's name in complete disgust.
7. Mom breathes
8. Mom puts Nora in tub to prevent further spread, runs back with towel, wipes off Samantha's feet and Sophie's hands and cleans up puddles off floor.
9. Mom retrieves Lysol wipes and gives them to the big girls to 'clean the floor'
10. Sophie is????
11. Mom goes to clean up Nora by rinsing her off and then giving her a bath.
12. After Nora is cleaned up, but still in bath, Sophie is crawling up Mom's back begging to get in the tub.
13. Mom undresses Sophie on her lap and somehow gets a leg full of diarrhea from Sophie's diaper. (it's now on my feet, hands and lap)
14. It gets better
15. Just before Mom puts Sophie in tub, Nora squirts again, in the bath water.
16. Drain the tub for the 2nd time.
17. Refill and bathe Sophie.
18. Big girls now need a bath after 'cleaning the floor' and start undressing for their turn
19. Mom put Nora on the changing table and Sophie on the ground in their room, ran back to turn off the water in the tub (Mom felt she needed to drain it for the 3rd time) and then ran back to take care of Nora
20. Sophie is???? (only now, she's naked with the squirts)
21. Mom can't find the A&D diaper rash cream (the only one that ever works) so she decides to just use the bottle of Desitin that she's not even sure where it came from.
22. As usual, burns Nora so bad that it's a fight with HUGE tears on every side to get it off - very sad
23. A&D magically recovered (that's probably where Sophie was!)
24. Nora dressed, but only in pants because Mom doesn't like taking puky jammies off - she'd rather just rinse skin off in a bath.
25. Sophie's turn - where is Sophie?
26. Big girls (the 2 and 3 year olds) are still in the bath all alone but having a blast.
27. Bottles made (big risk but the crying was getting a little loud) and babies are down for the count, hopefully.
28. Mom gets to change her pants. The smell was about to do her in.
29. Mom bathes big girls and they ask to keep playing in the bath water, but not with Mom in there (they actually asked that very thing!)
30. FINE! but no pooping or peeing in the water!
31. Mom starts to recover the living room.
32. Lydia and Samantha go to bed - uneventful
33. Dad calls and gets an earful (what a funny time to call!)
34. Mom bleaches every floor in the house
35. 10:40p Mom is.....well, I'll let you fill in the blank.

and, there you have it - THAT is how I did it.


jake said...

So - motherhood is a thirty-five step process? That doesn't seem so bad. Heh, heh.

Except that any of the steps mention diarrhea . . .

I'm not sure how many steps there are to fatherhood . . . husbandhood is pretty easy . . .

1. Listen
2. If you want to speak, refer to step one
3. If you accidentally speak, include the words, "honey, you're right" somewhere in there, then refocus on step one
4. If you want to "fix" something, fix a toilet, a car, a sink - DO NOT try to fix a day, a situation, or a problem -- seriously, DO NOT even try --
5. Don't write cutsie posts on a blog about how tough it is being a husband when your wife is home by herself taking care of your four kids . . .

heh --

Holly said...

heh yourself.

Anonymous said...

Ok, So it was honestly 15 minutes after I read this blog entry that I was toting Sophie to the bath tub with vomit in the hair and clothes and bed etc. Laundry and bath done, she was better, but timing is everything.

Here in the battle with you...


Amy said...

WOW Holly! You did great! (seriously!) And after dealing with things like this, I think you are justified in having occasional 10 minute "bad mommy" moments.