worn out
I need a break, I had one scheduled and babysitter canceled to go on day trip with family -
I mean if I had to choose a 'win' at this point in the day I'd say it was that I made it to the bathroom stall at church before I started to sob.
No one reason.
just fried, tired and lonely for my husband, that I love and miss ridiculously
Lydia and Samantha are acting out their confusion in very exhausting ways
Sophie is still sicker than a dog - not contagious, just sick
Everyone needs to sit in my lap or be held almost constantly and as their mother all I want to do is accommodate, as their sole caretaker, I just can't-that's a horrible feeling
Someone at church told me Jake was gone because 'it was his time' and I it took everything in me not to punch the guy. 'HIS TIME?' what? are you the keeper of the clock?
I want to go on a run today, it's 77 degrees out - but that means that everyone else is busy too.
"call me if you need help Holly" - who? I feel like I get told that all the time and yet I sit here and go through my list of people checking them off because I know they have something going on tonight - it's Sunday for goodness sake.
aren't you glad you checked this today?
see, this is another twist when husband is gone - no adult to process the hard stuff with verbally so my only recourse is to write it all out.
I'm done now, I'll go hold a baby that is dying to cuddle with someone, anyone!
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7 comments:
Your blog made ME want to cry! I'm sorry I don't live closer to help you out from time to time! Tomorrow is a new day. =)
Oh, girl, hang in there! You are an awesome mom, one that inspires me, even today, because I have been there and it's SO hard. We love you...
Amanda
Thank you for your blog. I know it is mostly for you but I really feel privilaged to have insight on another mothers day.(not to mention one of the few really positive thinkers I have met in a long time) I feel consoled that I am not the only one that has "these days" and look forward to having coffee with your blog every morning.
Miss you!
Ginger
I admire your honesty... way to keep it real. I wish I could think of something inspiring and encouraging to say, but I can't. So I'll just say this: I'm sorry you had a sucky day and I hope tomorrow is a better one. :)
Oh Holly--I wish I would have read this earlier today. I surely could have done something for you---even just to listen on the phone.
Praying for you!!!!
Robyn
When your parents get back to Colorado--find a way to get out here and I'll take the girls (yes, all of them at the same time) and give you some Holly-time. Sorry I can't be closer to do it now. Here's a cyber hug--and I hope this week goes smoother for you!
again, not helpful, but i'm praying for you and understand what your heart is saying - i've never had my husband physically gone for that long - but he works crazy hours and you and i both know i understand the sick kids that all need mommy for weeks on end. i'm so sorry. and i'm praying for you.
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