a little too much

Saturday:

1 neighborhood BBQ........................... it rained and rained and rained - the back up house was OURS
50-60 people........................................ half of these were kids
2 side dishes?....................................... we, obviously, ran out
10 desserts ...........................................priorities people!
4 off schedule toddlers........................ they really were troopers! I even jinxed it a couple of times by pointing out how great they were being!
4 very gross
buckets of mop water.......................... just call me Cinderella!

it was a great time had by all! I couldn't even believe it!
I am sooo grateful for our neighborhood and all the amazing families God has surrounded us with. We have been given a rare gift here. And really, our kids were sooooo great!

Sunday:

Happy Mother's Day to me! Church was amazing, as usual lately!
Jake was the first person I got to talk to this morning and that was 'gift' enough for me!
I just love that man!
The morning was fantastic.

and then there was the afternoon.................................

I was, for the third time in the 'friendly' state of Nebraska, yelled at in a fast food drive thru.
THREE TIMES.

I was in shock as I sat there, stuck, along with 20 other cars who'd smashed each other into a trap and all I could think was to cry.

Mother's day, husband deployed, four very worn out, over stimulated and hungry toddlers, 2nd McDonald's of the day (the first one wasn't serving lunch yet 10:59am and this one only did because I begged them to 11:07am ???? I don't know what the deal was!?)
and now some dude screaming at me to 'move forward' and 'get out of the way' and honking his horn - along with 3 other cars - and I had NO WHERE TO GO....there was already a car in front of me that I was smashed up against.
Lydia, my child, says, "Momma, what's up with that?" (something I apparently say often)

I told her that was a very rude man and she jumped into how she'd been rude to me this morning over her shoes....and she had.
She asked to pray for the man and that is NOT what I wanted to do but we did and it helped heaps!

So we came home rested a bit and went back out to a dear new friends house for a Mother's Day Brunch - that we were very late for! - but it was yummy and special.

But, Lydia this week has launched into a new phase of defiance and I am dumbfounded.
On top of the new phase, she was tired......very tired.
I get overwhelmed sometimes, I shut down sometimes, I get angry sometimes but not really ever dumbfounded.....however this, this is crazy.

Screaming, stomping, telling me NO, I DON'T WANT TO, undoing things I just did to discipline her with (like opening a door I just shut), hard core arguing with me....even if I'm not responding...

I looked at her cheek at one point today and noticed that she had three streaks of tears dried on her face from the day - my heart broke for her.
I know where she gets this, I know my parents are laughing.
And I don't know how to tell her I'm sorry that she has to struggle with this and that she got it from me!
And I would love to 'be consistent' with disciplining her if I just knew what to be consistent with!

phew....I feel like swimming in a bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough right now!