1 Cor 9:24 in a race all the runners run, run in such a way as to get the prize.

it's been a tough week.
I don't even want to say why.

the kids have been great, Jake is back and better than ever!, my home is peaceful...normal, but peaceful.

it's just all that other stuff, ya know, like when you walk out the front door and the world is there staring back at you as if to say 'WHAT NOW!?'
Spiritual attacks, peer pressures, direction, it can all be so confusing.
So cunning, Satan can be.

I've experienced the power of prayer many times in my life, I've had Jesus say 'no', I've had Jesus say 'just hang on' but this was an 'I'm still here, I'm not done with you' week.
Because of who HE is in me, not because of who I am, I will rise above this ________.

I love my kids, it doesn't matter how far they go, I will love them deeper and deeper each day.
And so Jesus loves me (His child), even beyond that, but even if that's all I can understand, that's enough for me to 'get it'....to get that no matter how or how many or where I fall, He will always love me, He will always believe in the person He created me to be, He will always use me.....there is no sin or imperfection that is outside of His capabilities to love me, use me or believe in me.

I'm a woman, so it's natural that I'd desire to be 'loved' by everyone, it's every woman's underlying sole desire in life
The thing I keep forgetting is that everyone is imperfect, everyone is a sinner, everyone needed Jesus' sacrifice....no one is 'good enough'.....even me....not everyone is going to love me (shock)

Spiritual battle is one thing but losing sight of what it is is what gets me!
HIS love went all the way to DEATH. Even if I was the only one....it still would have gone that far.
(and this week especially I am so glad that it wasn't just me....who would have prayed with me otherwise? what supernatural peace that was!)
My desire to be loved is fulfilled, the spiritual battles come when I loose sight of that.

I use my life as an example of who Christ is and beat myself up when I fall....and I mean 'beat'!!!
Again, all that does is cause me to loose sight again.

My #1 desire in life is to have my #1 desire be Christ.
He loved, He forgave, He stuck with, He never gives up, He's kind, He is righteous, He is a voice for the voiceless and nothing else mattered....

so, I am honing in....on all that matters.....pushing aside the battle and moving on.
I am so in love with where God has me. It's not comfortable, it's not easy, it's soooo not perfect. All the more opportunity for HIS light to shine through my 'holes'....and I have a lot of them.
I will love, I will forgive, I will stick with, I will never give up, I will be kind, I will seek justice, I will be a voice for the voiceless and nothing else will matter.....until I fall again and then I'll write some more and move on again....one step closer to Christ each time!