Saturday, March 28, 2009
what is our problem???
I read too much.
I read about families with lots of kids, maybe not as close as ours, but still, they have many.
I read that they bake together, read the Bible together, take nature walks together, have organized times of chores and community service and that's just on Monday.
What's our problem?
Attempting to make some Resurrection Eggs this morning:
There was a two year old being a holy terror and it ruined the whole experience
Moved on to cookies:
Two two year olds and one three year old bursting out into tears every 3 min (taking turns, of course, so it's constant) for ridiculous, really not important reasons, ruining that whole experience.
And a four year old that thinks if mommy says to do something a 'little bit' then 'a lot' must be better?
Is there something wrong with me?
Maybe I don't read too much, maybe I have no patience for this stuff, maybe my expectation are out of reach.
This stuff: cookies, crafts, walks, Bible reading
all rank very high on my list of priorities for them to experience while they are young and yet just listing them out like that gives me chills.
and it's not that they can't do it or I'm expecting perfection - a mess I can handle - whining, crying that it's not their turn, screaming for attention because I have it placed on a sister, bickering....THAT I can't handle.
And then, because they are doing those things, I think that maybe it's all my fault because I have moments when I whine, cry and bicker.
And I just want them to be better than that but can't seem to figure out how to get them there.
So, the Resurrection Egg project is 1/2 done (I'll just finish myself later and then every year we break it out I'll get angry at myself all over again for losing my patience while making them, have a good cry and beg for forgiveness)
The cookies are baking but three children have been spanked and are screaming in their rooms.
I will not be eating even one of these.
Yeah, score another one for me this week.
My children deserve so much better.
And I will keep trying, keep praying, keep asking for forgiveness, keep tweaking the 'system' until we one day DO make a happy memory, until we can one day take a walk without a melt down, one day make cookies with a mess but no tears, one day do crafts with no spankings, etc....
And to all of those families that blog/write about all their 'cool' stuff - are you for real?
or are you really that perfect of a family?
I ask not for an answer (pretty sure they don't read my blog ;-) but....well, I don't know why I'm even asking.
We are not that family, geez....I wish I was 'that' mom, but I'm not...
(a note: please do not freak out and 'advice' me until kingdom come unless you are a family member or you know I consider you one - pretty sure that would just lay on the guilt and I know 'it gets better', I've been told this for two years now.....still waiting and not very patiently, I must admit.
this is just me processing and Jake had to work today so it goes here instead of into his ears! I'm sure he thanks you.)