this move so far.

This move has been different in so many ways.

In most ways it's been the easiest, smoothest move of my life.  (1 out of 12 isn't bad!)

We had friends already in place here, our home that God picked out for us has been great, the weather here is perfect, it's beautiful, the girls did so wonderful, it was perfect timing in our life, it's a fun location which means lots of people come to see us and Jake is enjoying his job, travel and all.  The church hunting has been rough, but that is completely normal.

But, even with all that, it's still a move.

We did already have friends here, but there is a difference in friends you see almost every day and friends you keep in touch with long distance, or grew to love long distance.  There is a comfort in the every day friends that takes time to build no matter how long you've known someone.

The every day friends know your facial expressions (I have a ton, it takes a while!), they know when you're just speaking out of a 'mood' and not your heart, and other things that I just can't put my finger on right now.

The every day friends take time to build no matter who you are or where you're at.
Me and time do not always get along.

It's tough.  Moving like this.
And as good and easy as this one has been, it still hurts to pull up roots.

I grew deeper roots in Nebraska than I'd grown anywhere in my life.  I lived there for five years and that's two years longer than I'd lived anywhere else in my entire life.  I took big risks with my friends and their spiritual questions, I bore three children, Jake deployed a ridiculous amount, we grew...a lot.

So, we lived there longer + took bigger risks + had hard life situations = really really really deep roots.

Now we're here and my roots are still raw to the touch.
I am wanting those friendships again, I am wanting a history here, I am wanting and I know I am needing, but my roots hurt and for the first time in my life, I'm tired of doing this.

FIRST TIME!  WOW!!! I never never never thought I'd say I was tired of doing this.
It's all I know.  Funny, because as tired as I am of 'this', not doing 'this' scares me more than being tired of it!  I'm a girl, I can think all twisted like that, right?

It's out there, the soil for my tender roots, I can even see it, it's so obvious.  It's going to take going through the motions to get them planted because my heart is not in it right now.

The most frustrating part about this???
Not feeling connected somewhere and not having roots down always drives me to inactivity spiritually.
It's awful.  I have been growing, I have been resting my soul, I have been reading and the girls and I have done some really fun projects with our sponsor girl and for VOM, but not to my normal scale.
I feed off doing those things with friends, I just do.....and the reason why I haven't done anything here with friends is totally in my court/my fault.  So now I'm inactive, have raw roots and guilty.  Awesome.

You should be crying for me right now ;-).

I'm not wanting to make it seem as though I'm a lonely gal who is needing to be reached out too - on the contrary.  I have been reached out to in amazing ways here, it's me, just being scared and tired and essentially just needing a good dump and whining writing helps me clarify.

It's all cleared up now, I'm going to go book a slot on my calendar with some friends now and while we're together maybe we'll dream up some cool project to work on for Jesus.....


and because posts without pictures are kinda boring, here's a picture of my special Erika (from Ohio!).
I love that Lydia is reading her books and I love how intently Nora is staring at Erika's face!
precious: