Thursday, April 17, 2014

life as a mama of elementary aged kids

Everyone says it.
No one really understands it.
Unless your in it.

I've had babies before.
Shoot, I've had lots of babies at one time before.
I've had toddlers.
Lots and lots of one time.

And I felt so busy.
So tired.
My body ached and my mind was spent.
Many many times, it brought me to tears.

Schedules, eating times, safe environments, keeping them busy, teaching them, keeping them rested, keeping them fed, keeping them sorta clean.

Why does this list look so short?
If you know, you know.
It's deceivingly's not short.

But everyone says it.
'This busy will never end, it will just change.'
Or maybe it's 'This hard will not end, it will just change.'

In my exhausted, over spent state during those early early years,
I didn't believe them.
Or I didn't understand them.
Not sure which.
Maybe I just hoped so bad that they were wrong.

I'm here now.
I didn't understand and
They were wrong.


And I feel the need to document it.
For my own family record keeping purposes.

I'm still spent.
It's a happy spent.
It's a more comfortable spent.
It's a peaceful and content spent.
But I'm still spent.

I just understand it more now.
I have a little gift called TIME,
that I was lacking in those early early years.

Time for my heart to have adjusted.
Time to reflect on bad attitudes in my own mind and heart.
Time for God to have molded my heart and attitude into something a little more presentable.
Time to capture the truth that there is a much greater purpose and plan going on that I was understanding.

I'm relaxed.
In my heart.
If you know me and using the word 'Relax' to describe myself just made you laugh,
It's not nice to laugh at people!

But, that shows what God has done.
Taken a girl who laughs at the word relax, and relaxes her.

Parenting is no joke.
It ain't funny.

Well, actually, the kids are hilarious.
Like, all the time.

It's the parents who are no laughing matter.

They were wrong.
The hard of the early years is unique.
If you are there, take heart sister.
It changes and it ends.

Maybe I just needed it to end.
I like to finish things.
I do not like unfinished projects or books or movies or or or.

Parenting is always hard and always changing.
That, I guess you could say they were right about.
Things have changed.

There are new things that are hard about being a parent, 
every day.

There are new things about being human every day for that matter.

I don't have a flippin' clue if what we are doing with our girls and how we are raising them right in this very stage or if I need start saving for counseling because it's just that off....
....but I have time.

Time to have understood that no matter how bad I screw this up or don't
there's a much better Planner at work in the hearts of my kids.

It is not a cop out - I still feel very accountable to give God glory in my parenting.
But it is much more relaxing to try and please someOne who made it His life purpose to forgive me.
It's either Him or the world and we all know how gracious the world is.

Those early years were all about the world for me.
Even if that world was only me trying to prove something to me.
It was still just the world.

That was hard.
Really really really hard.

This is hard, but this is time tested and relaxed.
Deep down in my soul.

Judging from my schedule and every day going ons would be deceiving right now.
Because right now, I'm busier than I've ever been in my life.
In my head, in my heart, in my kitchen, in the laundry room, every where and any where I look, I'm busier than even the early early years.
I'm dropping balls all over the place.
It's a mess! The balls are everywhere!

But that gift....that precious gift of TIME....
and what God has done with my heart in that time....

This busy is busy and the hard now comes with the fact that now I know to give the plans back over to the Planner and sometimes I just forget or most times I just get stubborn.

That, I'm sure will never change and always be hard.
But that is a battle I will not give up on.

I just need more time to practice it.


Venetia Gentzler said...

You are giving your children the best gift- your time and attention!!!
In 10 years or so, you will look back and just say, where did time go? Are they really this big? The exhaustion passes, the joy and pride grow exponentially! I worked part time, during school hours,when Cyra and Aaron were in elementary school, and even quit for a year and half when they hit the middle school/pre middle school years. Home schooling was just not me! It was SO worth it! The one thing I tell Cyra, and young moms her age, is you will never look back and say, I wish I had worked more, but even spending every moment possible with them, you still wonder , did I spend enough time with them?? They tell me I did, thank goodness! My other advice, don't forget to remember you are a couple, not just parents. MAke sure your kids know how much you love Jake. That shows them what to strive for when they get to that point- and yes, they will, some day! God Bless you, and keep up the great work!! Love you, girl!

Carrie McCoy said...

I am in both worlds right now with ages 9 down to 4 month old twins. The older two are busy with activities, learning, etc. The younger ones are busy with the things you've suggested. It's a different busy with the older ones. But I like your mention of time. And yes, God knows what He is doing through all the chaos. I'm always worrying that my time isn't equally divided and right now with nursing twins, some of the time I wish I had to do other things with the other kids is well, what it is! I guess I shouldn't worry so much about it and realize that God is in control. Thanks for sharing!