Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Where people go when they have a hankering for buying a small country.
Where people go to spend all their vacation money. Who needs vacation!? Right....right?
The one store in town where all countries represent yo! (it's almost like GOING on vacation. almost.)
The one store in town where everyone always seems to be at at the exact same time, no matter what time or day or state or city you are in.
The store where all people's are required to leave their maneuvering brains at the front door. It's in the card. You wave your card to get in and your maneuvering brain zaps into the card. BAM! You leave the store and it zaps back in! Magic.
For reals. Today I felt like I was playing Twister with a crowd of people just to get the dang bacon. I'm flexible but not that flexible! Stop standing in the way of my bacon! Stop making me twist in unladylike positions to get my bacon!
Oh.....and today's trip was kidless.
Do. not. get me started on Costco WITH KIDS.
The store where people go to shop with their kids when they have a hankering to visit a medieval torture chamber. "I just feel like having my spine stretched to unfathomable lengths today while my finger nails are being extracted one by one!"
The store where people go to shop with their kids when they have a long lost dream of being the circus. Or the zoo. Or the insane asylum.
The store where children die.
Newspaper Titles Reads: Customer left maneuvering brain at the entrance and as a result thwacks young child with shopping cart the size of a small country. Child dies.
Wait...I wasn't going to get started!
The store where people go to shop with their kids when they've forgotten what it was like LAST TIME!?
Really...are our memories that bad mothers!?
(As I'm writing this, laughing to myself, I am getting flash backs of what it was like to visit that torture chamber when the girls were all very little. Picture this:
Two Costco Carts.
Those suckers are HUGE.
One had two kids in the front, buckled in, and a car seat in the main basket, with a twin securely strapped in place.
The other twin was strapped to me, or if it was a rough day, the other basket I pushed/pulled had another car seat in the main basket.
The groceries/small country? In the bottom, around the car seats, in the laps of the toddlers, strapped to my back (kidding, but it felt like it!).
And I'd push one cart with one hand and pull the other cart with the other hand.
And I kid you not:
#1 - it was the easiest store for me to go to with all four of them because the baskets were big enough for us to use both as strollers AND as a grocery cart.
#2 - I think I know what it felt like to watch the Red Sea part and dry up.
It's what it feels like to go through Costco with two buggies, and four babies.)