Tuesday, March 15, 2011

all of the sudden...

....I'm afraid.

of controversy.

of what people think of me.

of what my convictions will do to other people's convictions.

of having a good life, one that maybe someone else might think they can't relate to because _____________.
(I don't even have something to fill that blank in, but it's there anyway - this should be my first clue that it's a lie from you-know-who)

of complaining when I've had a bad day because no matter how bad a day I've had, look where I live, who I'm married to, how easy my kids are physically and mentally, etc.....I'm afraid to have a bad day.

of writing things that really matter to me.

of posting cute things we've done because I don't want others to feel bad that they don't do __________
or have a ____________ or look like ______________.
(those darn blanks again!)


But the truth is, I have LOTS to write about.
Lots to share.
Lots I want to remember about what I'm thinking these days, so I can go back and shake my head at my immature thoughts 20 years from now.
Lots.

Lots of stuff to write.
Lots of fear.

Some justified, some not.
Some warranted, most not.

So.
I'm working on it.

I don't know where I'll land, but I'm working on it.

3 comments:

Courtney said...

just start.
i'm waiting... :-)

Missy said...

Yup, I'm right there with ya. Maybe not so much fear, but a hesitation on what I think I can say here in this online world. Just take a deep breathe and start with one thought at a time.

Tisha said...

I getcha. I've been going through a lot of that myself. Which has led to a huge reduction in my blog posts. I am much more hesitant to say what I once would, because it seems too trivial...or...contraversial...or silly...or negative...or positive....or I just don't care to take the time. So, I definitely hear what you're saying!
But, I do miss hearing more from you and will patiently wait for whatever you decide you have to say. :)