Thanks Erma...and Jody!

I can't decide whether I stole this from Erma or from Jody, but either way, I just had to share it!

One of these days you will shout, “Why don’t you kids grow up and act your age?” And they will. Or “You guys get outside and find yourself something to do, and don’t slam the door.” And they will. You will straighten up the boys’ bedroom and it will be neat and tidy and the bumper stickers will be discarded. The spread will be tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves, hangers in the closet, for a change. Animals will be caged, and you will say out loud, “Now, I want it to stay this way.” And it will. You will prepare the perfect dinner with a salad that hasn’t been picked over, and cake with no finger tracing in the icing, and you will say, “Now there is a meal for company.” And you will eat it alone. You will say, “I want complete privacy phone, no pantomiming, no demolition crews going behind me—silence, do you hear me?” And you will have it. No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghetti and no more bedspreads to protect the sofa from wet bottoms. No more stumbling over the basement steps over roller skates. No more hunting for shoes or socks under the sofa. No more play-pens to arrange a room around. No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent. Not more sand on the sheets nor Popeye movies in the bathroom. No more iron on patches, wet knotted shoe strings, tight boots, nor rubber bands for pony-tails. And imagine lip stick with a point. No baby-sitter to find, washing only once a week, and eating steak that isn’t ground. Having your teeth cleaned without a baby in your lap. No PTA meetings, car pools, blaring radios. No one washing her hair at 11 o’clock at night. Having your own roll of transparent tape. Think about it. No more Christmas presents made out of toothpicks and library paste. No more sloppy oatmeal kisses. No more tooth fairy. No giggles in the dark. No knees to heal, no responsibility. Only a voice crying, “Why don’t you grow up?” And the silence echoing, “I did.” (Erma Bombeck)