excuse me while I take a moment to process.
My life is good, it's comfortable, it's wealthy, I need for nothing, health is abundant, I 'hurt' very little.
I forget all of this about every 10 minutes and have to remind myself of it about every 15 minutes.
My mind often wanders to that horrible 'self-pity' place. The place that tells me I'm not good enough and I'm forgotten in God's plan. That place where Satan has permanent workers stationed because he knows I go there so often.
I feel as though our lives are in a 'holding pattern' right now, going around and around and around in the same circle waiting for tower to tell us to take off but with no clue how long we will be in the pattern and no clue where we will be going and no clue how long we will be there and no clue if we'll be coming back.
Why does this all matter to me so deeply?
It's the little things like: Do I sign up for Bible Study? Do I renew my memberships to things around town? Do I make those curtains? Do I start that business? Do I plant those flowers? Do I fix that window?
Like I said, little things, but things that stare me in the face hour after hour.
Tangible things. Darn tangible things. They are always getting in my way.
I want to live a life of purpose, one I can have pride in when I stand before the throne at the end.
What? Am I going to say, "Yep, Lord, I signed up for the zoo membership on time and made those curtains!"
NO!
This whole thing has put me in a funk and I am embarrassed to say it.
I do, I want to know. What's next Lord? But, resting in the fact that He knows and I will know in perfect timing....struggling with that one....for tangible reasons...darn tangible reasons!
I feel like I say this too often but here it goes again: moving on!
There are obviously still very real, very large unseen and untouchable except through Christ, things to do here in our cozy corner of the Mid-West.
My prayer is to see them more clear than the memberships, curtains, and plants.
To remind myself of the abundance of my life every 9 minutes, letting no time lapse and to discourage permanent places for Satan's helpers - go away.
And to focus.
Focus on eternity. Focus on love.
The Mommy and Daddy
(aka Holly and Jake, but only sometimes)
Our Lydia
Our Samantha
Our Lenora
Our Sophie
9 comments:
I love you girl and I really do understand all those thoughts. (having just spent a year and half repeating those exact things) I can't give you any advice except to try to do the best you can with where He has you right now. You might be exactly in this same place in 3 years. Enjoy where you are pray that He allows you to be released from these burdens and gives you peace with where you are. I know...easier said than done. "I will never leave you or forsake". "I have plans for you...plans to you give you hope and a future". They were all I could hold on to.
Having been touched by Christ through you recently I can say hallelujah for his delayed plan!
Thanks!
thank you for your honest post...i feel much the same way at times...and i hate that self-pity. just this morning i woke in a funk and God is using your words to whisper His love to me...
~Rose
I have never commented on your site before but I also deal with thought issues. For me, instead of Self-pity, although I do suffer with that, it's more fear. I hear the whispers of what could happen and I go crazy! But, I found this book called "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer and if you haven't read it, it's a great read!
It really opens your eyes to what is happening whne you start listening to those voices.
I was curious about the book Deanna mentioned. You can read part of the first chapter on Amazon. It sounds really good.
I live the AirForce life with ya gal and the best I can say is "Drive it like it is a rental". Take every moment while you are there and fill it to the brim of things you want or need to be doing. All the fuzzy details will slip through the cracks later and you can say... I've done that, I've helped them, We did that together.
Don't put living on Pause for the AirForce run around.
Love and hugs,
Ginger
You are so honest and clear about what your priorities are. I'm inspired to challenge myself to examine my own. Thank you.
I totally agree with Ginger. Live in the moment, don't wait on the future. What's the worst that will happen if you put the flowers in or make the curtains? Half the fun is doing the project. And hey, I finally got around to making curtains for our house a month before we put in on the market. They didn't get used until we moved into our new house which randomly' had the same number of windows in the basement. Go figure.
I thought I'd already left this comment! Here goes again (in my mind anyway!)...
Make the curtains. Fix the window. Renew the memberships that you truly enjoy. Definitely sign up for Bible Study. And see if you guys can wiggle out of those impending orders, cause I am VERY selfish and think you should stay here. Ok, ok, I'm kidding. A little.
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