am I missing something.

I mentioned that the twins were in a particularly trying time right now but I just need to sit down, write it all out, get it all out and find some answers.
I find myself saying "They are just bad" all the time. I am not meaning that they are evil to the core or anything but I am saying it with a sense of shock, or awe, and am a little taken back by it all.
Is it that I have forgotten just how bad the almost twos and twos can be?
I really don't think so.
I do remember some. It wasn't that long ago!
I remember that Lydia wasn't that bad, a little, but I really wondered at what all the hype was over the 'terrible two' concept. (she was tougher at three)
I remember that Samantha made it all clear for me ;-) but it was at least manageable and with some consistency she was out of it in no time. (and is a piece of cake at three)

The little girls..."Terrible Twos" doesn't come close.
The conclusion I am at right now, and I am doing everything in my power to not make this the conclusion, is that it's a combination of the twin factor and the extreme amount of will power factor.
These girls are no softies.
Watch out world.

I know, that doesn't sound like anyone else you know, does it? (don't answer!)

Just so that when I look back I can remember clearly what exactly it is I am dealing with our day goes like this:
Nora:
Wake up and whine the word "Mommy" over and over and over and over again
Whine every time someone looks at her cross eyed, whine when she's bored, whine when she's tired, whine when it's not her way, whine when all else fails, or even if you haven't tried anything else yet...whine whine whine whine whine - she just wants to be heard. Her word of choice when whining is "Mommy" - oh yeah, that doesn't get under my skin at all!?
Occasional (we're talking like one or two a day) moments of extreme sweetest. I mean EXTREME. She cuddles and has this amazingly penetrable grin that is unique to her.

Sophie:
El Destructo. She's smart, quick, defiant and witty. Oh, you're laughing...I'm not....unless she's worn me down, which is about every other time. Do you have that kid that just makes your heart melt? You don't love them more, you don't favor them but what they do to your heart feels so different? Kinda like melting? For me, it's Sophie. It's like Chinese torture for me to be consistent with her. I can do it once but she knows that if she cocks her head to the side and starts giggling, I'm done....stick a fork in me, I can't help it, I laugh. You would too...unless your Jake that is. And I know you would because many of you have and I have to call you out on laughing while I'm trying to discipline!!! That's the witty part and as funny as it can be, it's really getting under my skin, it sits right next to Nora's whining....as if there's room under there or something!?
If you hear feet pitter pattering as fast as they can across the house you can almost time it to the second before you'll hear some one running after the feet saying "NO!!! THAT'S MINE!!!". It's Sophie, she stole it, again and again and again and again. (no speeches here about having her own toys...she HAS her own toys)
If there is complete silence in the house, Sophie has led everyone astray to some very naughty activity. If someone is IN your face, and I am talking literally, but you don't want her there right now, it's Sophie.
If something is broken, it's Sophie, if something is missing, it's Sophie, etc....
She is destructive and knows how to get you to laugh at it.

Both:
The crying. For lack of better words, they just cry. All the time. Cry cry cry cry cry. It's like having a colicky baby only louder and more annoying because you know they have control over it.
What to do about this?
Teach them sign language you say? Ok, in my spare time I'll do that. (you see, I would teach them except I don't know it...to know it would take time and by that time, they wouldn't need it anymore...really!?)
HA!
Cry cry cry cry cry.
oh and the stomping of a foot/throwing themselves to the ground.
it's almost so maddening that I'm just going to leave it at this.
If they are told and they don't want to, the alternative is to either stomp their foot with a resounding NO or to throw themselves onto the floor and.....CRY.

So, what now?
It is a phase.
A phase that I could really do without right now.
It frustrates me, it frustrates Jake, it frustrates Lydia and Samantha, it frustrates them.

Is is a twin thing? I know parts of it are. When Nora is in a loud whine it bothers Sophie so Sophie cries, it bothers Nora that Sophie is crying so Nora cries.
When Sophie steals something of Nora's, Nora cries, I make her give it back, Sophie cries, it bothers Nora that Sophie is crying so Nora cries....ETC.
Cry cry cry...whine whine whine....run run run....in my face, MOMMY, That's Mine!, where is it?, who wet their bed this time?, who pooped AGAIN?.

I love being a mom (can't you tell?).
I am just not loving this part of being a mom.
I still keep my job though. I'll keep it because I really really really can't wait to see what it will be like to have two four year olds, a five year old and a six year old. And I know it will be so much better at that stage if I keep at it in this one. I refuse to give up.
I tear up thinking about it.

You see, when I imagined and dreamed about being a mom, for some reason, I skipped the whole baby/toddler years and went straight to the kid part. I don't know what I was thinking I just did. So, it shocks me sometimes, even after these past few years, all the toddler stuff. They are smart little whipper snappers and their wills are out of control.
And that's where I get lost?
Taming their will without crushing their spirit. I know I am failing at this. I think we all are to be honest.
Our own wills are out of control - our own spirits are crushed in spots here and there.
I am an imperfect mother.....very very imperfect....expecting perfection out of my parenting.
(all together now..."duh?!")

And this is the point at which I remember,
these are not MY kids.
they are on loan to me, to love me, for me to love, to teach me and for me to teach.
but they are not MINE.

Thanks be to God who created them that they are not because otherwise, we'd all be in a heap of trouble.

Excuse me...it sounds like Sophie is in Nora's face, Nora is whining about it which means that at any moment Sophie will be crying and I'm going to go be consistent for goodness sakes!!!!

(now you know WHY they are so dag gum CUTE!)