I was listening to Focus on the Family the other day - it was a rerun of a Dr. Kevin Lehman show.
He's funny. So funny.
I really do enjoy taking bits and pieces of what Dr. L has to say about parenting but when the Q&A time rolled around, I just lost it.
A young mom with three very closely spaced children - not as close as the girls but nearly - asked him about the whole 'putting out of multiple fires at a time and all over the house back to back to back' and he says, in effect, 'yea, sorry. having that many that close is hard. really, just be consistent.' I mean, anyone would have just kinda chuckled at his lack of advice on this.
At first I cried - he obviously has not been in a home with four toddlers.
I am all for consistency but you have to understand the amount of discipline in this home in the spirit of consistency. He clearly, from the tone of his voice, had no clue what to tell the woman....
And I was looking for something, anything, in the line of encouragement that no, I'm not disciplining too much, too little, in any harmful way, or that I was missing something.
After hearing he had no advice except 'grin and bare it' - I just got mad.
The ONE mom that really needed a cheerleader in that audience and he just threw up his hands.
grrrr...
It's vaguely familiar to the line in Dare to Discipline about the young mom with two toddlers and how her world is extremely exhausting right now and essentially, she should just grin and bare it too.
Would someone please write a book with some ENCOURAGEMENT to those of us who just can't take one more piece of 'grin and bare it' advice?
All the validation is great, the advice for the upcoming 3-4 years is great but what about now?
What about my two year olds who get out their 'do not do' lists and just go through it all day, checking and rechecking all the no-no's.
What about my three year old who whines uncontrollably and takes things from the two year olds and runs?
My four year old - now all that advice and encouragment is being used and am I loving it - don't get me wrong, she is not perfect, but all that 'advice' is actually worth something in her case.
I'm fine. Really. Maybe that will be my first book?
Apparently my parenting cup is empty ;-)
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8 comments:
Well you definitely won't get the encouragement for something like that from a man! Don't get me wrong...they can be wonderful...but empathy with child-rearing is not their forte!!
Encouragement - know you are not alone. And as long as they are alive and fed...even if just string cheese and fish crackers...at the end of the day - I say...well done!
Have you ready any of Sally Clarkson's stuff? I know i've mentioned it before...talk about a mother who has an understanding and encouraging heart for mothers. You just want to hug her books because she understands and loves and doesn't judge. She actually has a conference here next month that I'm going to. (hopefully). "Mission of Motherhood"...that's one to start with.
I think you are amazing. I think that you are a God-fearing, God-loving, God-portraying mother. I think the heart that you have for other mothers is encouragment to them. The heart you have for your girls is worn on your sleeve. You want them to know Jesus and to know that you love Him too. You protect without neglecting. Your spirit is fierce and strong and abounding.
The whole parenting cup thing...isn't it nice to know that it can be easily filled...but disturbing to know how quickly it's empty.
I know that was wordy and you weren't looking for all of that - but I said it all anyway. I love you, I admire you, I love that you are real with all of us.
Holly....I rememeber when Mia and Hawkins were both under 2 and people would say, "Oh enjoy it these are the easy days". I wanted to beat them...and I'm not a violent person. I don't know where that comes from but multiple kids under 3 is NEVER easy...make that even 1 child under 3. FINALLY I getting some relief at ages 4 and 3...so we're adding another...what was I thinking?? Please do write the book...for those of us who get it.
Do you read John Rosemond? He has been one of my sources of sanity. His new one Parenting By The Book (yes that's the Bible ) is awesome!
Praying for you. You are amazing even if you don't know it:)!
My one little piece of encouragement is this: The day is coming that you can say, "Girls, I'm going to go to the coffeeshop/Target/grocery store/whatever, I'll be back in a couple of hours. Call me if someone's bleeding or the house is on fire!" It comes sooner than you think. Hang in there!
Holly- I hope you get a kick out of this, it's me Sarah (Haverland)now Bennett. Well, I just happened to listen to the very same broadcast and I was sadden by his response. Because the lady who asked the question is a good friend of mine. I am so going to send her link to this post so she can hear your heart and know she is not alone.
Hello!
Sarah Bennett sent me your blog and I am the mom in that radio program. I didn't even bother listening to the broadcast because I didn't think they would actually put me on it, considering he pretty much laughed at me and said maybe you should have thought a little harder about having kids that close.
I truly appreciate your encouragment. There aren't very many women that have children as close as mine and definitly yours :0) At least not that I have met personally. I have often thought that there has to be a woman out there that has written a book about what we are going through that can help, but there just isn't one that I have found :0) Maybe when we are done with this (seemingly long at times) season (I don't like that word but it is thrown at me often) we could get together and write a book for the women to come!
To be honest, I was quite shocked they included me in the final copy considering the lack of useful advise. I thought that since he was a very well loved author (by my husband and I) that I would finally have a professional giving me advice! Oh well. Goes to show God is in control and speaks through different people at different times. I needed to go a different route :0)
I still haven't found the exact answer, some days are rougher than others. There are a lot of people to add into the equation for the finale at the end of the day :0) It is all training. I know it is training them to become strong men and women of God, and I suppose it goes both ways now that I am writing this.
This was actually recorded quite some time ago (a few monthes at least). I am not in such a seemingly hopeless state. I completly understand the grin and bear it advice. Or you have four kids of course its crazy and your exhausted. I know they all mean well. Sometimes it is just better to be honest and say I have no idea and let me pray for you right now.
I am quite embarassed now because I didn't realize how many women I know listen to FOF radio broadcast. I have had a couple people email me. I guess I should actually listen to it now :0)
Thank you again for taking the time to be honest and share. I really do appreciate it. Have a blessed day!
Shannon :0)
Oh! I wanted to let you know that I have four kids 5,4,3 (boys) and 18 mos (girl)! The first are 12 mos 12 days apart the next are 16 mos apart and the last two are 23 mos apart. We are just opposite of you with the exception of the twins! Wow, you are amazing! Keep up the incredible work!
Shannon :0)
Sarah - I TOTALLY got a kick out of this - what a small world!
Shannon - How cool! And it's funny to me that I 'read' all of that from the little quip they included (not sure if it's even all there or not?)
and that what I was reading was exactly what you were feeling.
Also - let's! - write the book that is :-)
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