Friday, March 15, 2013

more thoughts...and wow.

I have some deep friends.
I mean really, look at this stuff, it's awesome:

Beautiful and terrible things will happen.
Don't be afraid of either.

(Or that's at least what helps me handle this tension).

from someone "in the fire/furnace/all those things you said" right now...

if i hadn't had Him in the peace, calm and still...i would be dead right now. as it is, i feel like i'm drowning. but the ONLY reason i'm not is because He was in the calm. 


 I definitely feel like I am in a season of "fire" and the only thing sustaining me and keeping the flames from turning me to dust is Jesus. Being disciplined to turn to Him daily in the calm is what equips you to lean on Him in the storms. Scripture makes it clear that we're not to wait until we're in the furnace to seek Him. We are to seek Him BEFORE we ever enter into battle. 


I just wish that we could all come to a place where we can freely share and find support and encouragement and grace regardless of our level of suffering. I wish we were perfect. Instead of a bunch of sinners.


and now that all brings me to this thought - which 'm' said but so did a few others.

I don't think we necessarily elevate suffering. I just think that SO many people ARE suffering, they are the ones that get the attention by default


for clarity's sake (and continued digging sake), 
my struggle isn't that there is nothing wrong with my life.

I actually LOVE where God has us....I just feel bad about it in my weak moments...twisted? Yes.  Which is why I am here.

I agree Melissa, they get the attention and they should.
They need.

I have been there, I have been the one in need and boy did I need attention.
Not the, "I'd like to be the popular girl" attention, I didn't WANT the attention, I simply NEEDED it.

My struggle is more a struggle of:

Do I have all of this because I have missed something that God wanted me to do?
Is my life so easy and peaceful right now because I/we were seeking after our own hearts and desires.
Did we miss what God was intending?
Is the godly life one that is constantly pursuing situations that put you in pains way? (that seems to be the message I am getting from popular books and sermon trends)

I compare.
This is my problem.

I work ardently at grace over others lives but struggle with ardently putting grace over my own life. You too? (oh..and I fail at that first part basically I stink at grace...more grace is the answer to ALL of this, by the way.)

I ask myself all those questions and come up with resounding, "I PUT YOU HERE, YOU DID NOT PUT YOU HERE" from the Big Man, from God Himself....during my journalling, during my prayer times, during sermons, in encouraging emails and phone calls, in the radio sermons, in books....He likes to tell me a lot 'cause I need to hear it... a I said, resounding.

My struggle comes from books/blogs....good ones, not theologically incorrect ones, good ones!
And watching other people put the books into practice (because that is what God has called them to do)....
And watching THEIR OWN CHOICES to step out of their calm that God had them in and then watch them learn and grow and be in pain from their fire.

And I wonder if I'm not as cool as they are.

Did God think they were cooler so He called them to something bigger (in my eyes).

And then I am convicted.

Rightfully so.
Because that right there, that attitude I just revealed, is an attitude of ungratefulness.
Ungratefulness and conceit.

Ungrateful because since God did place me where I'm at right now, He should be praise for it instead of questioned.

Conceit because...AS IF!?
As if I have anything to do with it!

Yes, I do believe, firmly, that we have free will.

WE choose so much about our lives and the directions they go, the places we live, the foods we eat, what we do to those around us, what we do to ourselves, how we are with our families, the GOD we choose to serve, the idols we choose to make up...and I could go on.

BUT, I also firmly believe in the Sovereignty of God and that no matter what ungrateful or conceited choices we make, His will will be accomplished.

And I am listening.

I do not feel as though I am running from something - that would be a whole other post with mentions of Jonah and Thomas....
Rather I'm in the middle of a spiritual battle that has me being the dork in the middle of the game Keep Away.

Slowly, BUT SURELY, I am grabbing this 'ball'.

I don't want to be the dork in the middle.

I want to embrace this peace, embrace this calm, get on my face and reverently give credit where credit is due for this season of simplicity in our lives.

And if it lasts my whole life, then I want to perfect what loving Him, praising Him, giving to Him looks like during the stillness.....

anyone else with me?

Exodus 20:21

Moses drew near unto the think darkness where God was...

God still has hidden secrets, hidden from the wise and prudent.  Do not fear them; be content to accept things that you cannot understand; wait patiently.

Presently He will reveal to you the treasures of darkness, the riches of the glory of the mystery.
Mystery is the only veil of God's face.
Do not be afraid to enter the cloud that is settling down on your life.
God is in it.
The other side is radiant with His Glory.
-Mrs. C.E. Cowman


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