Monday, February 24, 2014


so, in the midst of the storm last week...and weekend....and today....

Marcia read me a quote from a book she's reading:  The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

"I can know everything there is to know about eating healthy, but if it's one of those days when Ellen is struggling with a school project and Charlie's home sick from school and I'm trying to make a writing deadline and Homeland Security increased the threat level and our grass is dying and my jeans don't fit and the economy is tanking and the Internet is down and we're out of poop bags for the dog - forget it!  All I want to do is snuff out the sizzling anxiety with a pumpkin muffin, a bag of chips, and chocolate.....When I'm having one of those days....some of the anxiety grows out of the expectations I put on myself.  I want Ellen's project to be amazing.  I want to take care of Charlie without worrying about my own deadlines.  I want to show the world how great I am at balancing my family and career.  I want our yard to look beautiful.  I want people to see us picking u pour dogs poop in biodegradable bags and thinking, My god!  They are such out standing citizens.  There are days when I can fight the urge to be everything to everyone, and there are days when it gets the best of me."

Solidarity Sister.

But really.
It's true.

Most times anyway.

What gets me most about the hard days are that I feel like a failure.
Over and over and over.

But I feel like a failure because I have these crazy high expectations that I can have it all together all the time.

That I can be on time for gymnastics.
That I can get my Dr. appointment time correct and not yell at my kids to get them out the door on time only to realize that I was two hours early for the appointment.
That I be sure to keep ALL ticks off ALL members of my family, human ones and animal ones.
(did I mention that the day after Violet was rushed to the vet we went back to the vet to get checked and on our way there, I took off one tick on Lenora's shoulder and two ticks off Bonnie?  Well, I did.  I very much did.  Which means, I failed to protect my family from Lyme's disease...k?)
That I can patiently explain plotting to my 2nd grader and not get so frustrated I have to take a break.
That I never have to speed to get anywhere.
That my kids are not ever sick because I use all the right tricks to keep them healthy.
That I can have my house looking so great and comfortable....all the time.
That I it all....the exact right way...on time...and legally.

I think I'm just gonna plan to be a failure that way I'll not fail.

Yes! This is totally gonna work!

(I don't want anyone to worry!  We are all great.  Just been a CRAZY couple of days and an almost dead dog - that's all.  But seriously, Violet is doing great and we've had little pockets of great moments in between all this insanity.  We're great, just really really ready for Jake to BE HOME.)


Missy said...

Dude, I think you're on to something...just plan on being a failure in life, and that way when you are you'll actually be a success! Then you can eat chocolate chip cookies all day long when life gets the better of you and not feel a lick of guilt about it! Ha ha! I say let's do it.

Amy said...

Girl... I can relate. Not to the almost dead dog, exactly, but still. And I may have eaten cookie dough last night...