Friday, January 4, 2008

just processing.

A friend of mine was marveling at how awesome it is to be a mom and how much she just loves her job, her place in her kids lives.

She has four kids, 6 years to 19 months old.
I felt a little envious as I sat there and watch the genuine sparkle in her eye and song in her voice....I wanted it so bad and I wake up every morning expecting it but by 4pm I'm usually very very far from that sparkle and song!

So, I asked her, "Now, did you say that about your job when they were all babies and toddlers?"

She didn't even hesitate, looking me in the eye she said "No, it was only about a month ago that I said that for the first time, now it's almost every day, but not then"

I have another friend with 4 teenagers that span the exact same time as our girls.
She is so fond and proud of her 'clump' (her term!).
I love watching and listening to this amazing and wise mother but I caught her one time saying that she'd give anything to go back and have a couple of 3 yr olds again.....

So, I asked her, "Now, you didn't say babies, you said 3 yr olds, right?"
She didn't hesitate either only there were no words this time just a very definite nodding of the head in agreement that 'no' she would not go back to having 4 babies again and that there were not even words to express that!

I adore my girls, I think it is so cool that we have four kids, four girls, twins, and that they are less than 3 years many people get cool stuff like that???? Not many. Not only that but they are all very very good girls with great dispositions, personalities and are so loving.

BUT, these years have been hard. Very hard.
And I am clinging to these women's songs and sparkles - I am confident that one day I will not just adore my girls, I will enjoy them too.
I get a glimpse here and there, this morning was one of them.
One day very very soon, I know it won't just be a glimpse here and there....


Sharon said...

I love you, Holly.

Donna said...

One day you will look at them with the joy and pride that I have in you. You have become an amazingly strong woman. Your love for your husband is beyond compare. The kind of love that many wish they had. The patience and gentleness with your 4 "precious treasures from God" is admired by all who know you. And your sweet spirit is an honor to the Savior you serve. I thank our loving Father for the godly example you are to all of us. Mamaw

Cory Jill Syd & Brenna said...

I think we are kindred spirits who've never met. My friend Jaimee showed me your blog... specifically the poop painting post, and I was hooked! I have half the girls you have, and I STILL feel crazy half the time. But blessed, so I totally understand this post.

Another thing I read that really touched me was "someday my girls and I are going to be a service machine" in honor of all the people who have helped you in this wonderful but tough time in your life when all your babies are so little. I loved that.

Okay, think I'm done now! Nice to "meet" you!


Anonymous said...

When Andrew was little, old ladies would walk up to me in the store and say, "Honey, you better enjoy him while you can cause you turn around twice, he'll be grown and gone." I would think to myself, you are a horrible old woman, why are you telling me this? But as awful as that sounds, they were all right! I tried so hard to enjoy every minute with him and I did many but not all. Now he's in high school and I am so consciously aware that I only have three years left. And it's so hard sometimes! I can honestly say I enjoyed him more as a preschooler and up than I did when he was a baby. I enjoyed Evan more as a toddler than I did when he was a baby. And I just eat Juli up every minute and always have. I love them all, and love them equally, and love them so much, but...and I've given this much thought...I think the longer you are a mother, the more you learn to step back and just enjoy the moments. I don't think that someone can tell you to do it and you can (although sometimes I want to say those fateful words to young moms myself!) or that you can tell yourself and make it happen. I think it just does. But I do think that NOT changing diapers does make motherhood MUCH more enjoyable! You're a great mom. In fact, you are one of the best moms I know. Don't worry about it; just let it be. And, of course, if you need a break and especially if ANY of the girls need to be held, or to come play dress up, I'm your gal. Whether Jake's home or not. ;)
I can't seem to get this to publish under anything but anonymous, but I'm fairly certain you have figured out who I am lol.