Wednesday, January 8, 2014

one of those 'resolutions'

I'm sharing ONE.

Just one.

I have a fear of sharing all the rest because then, when I fail, I'm a failure.
If no one ever knows, then I'm not a failure.
Right? (don't answer that)


I know.
I stole that one.
But hey.
It was/is a good one.

Only I don't mean put on some cute exercise gear and pretend you're athletic.

I mean, "Do school".

When I sat down to think about the goals I want to set for school with the girls I was hit with an overwhelming sense of all the stuff I'm missing with them.

I heard the advice once that ALL EDUCATION HAS GAPS.
No education, in any corner of this world, is a complete education.
We never ever stop being educated.
So, let it go.
Let go trying to fill in all the gaps in your home school experience.
It ain't gonna happen.
You will miss things - instead, teach them to love to learn and the gaps they need in life will fill themselves in.
(my paraphrase of someone else's advice, I can't even remember who!)

And I totally agree and I come back to that advice weekly....daily...sometimes hourly.

(always in one of those moments where it's either remind myself OR sit in a dark room breathing through a paper bag to stay calm)

After reminding myself do you know what I usually do?

I shop and research and print out a new pretty plan on a new pretty piece of paper.
I'm always SO proud of myself and those packages in the mail are always SO pretty!

It's fun.
To shop.
To plan.
To dream.

You know what's not as fun?
Doing it.

All my plans are beautiful in theory.
Because my theory never ever never includes: bad moods, rainy days, Monday's, dr's appt's that run way over, sisters arguing or messy houses, little people who do not appreciate my new plan or new resource, or.....

What kind of a dream would that be!?  (can you say: masochistic?)

But I think I've spent more time dreaming and planning for our school year this year than I have actually spent doing it.

( you know what my vacuum looks like, what I use for deodorant AND that I'm lazy.  It's gettin' ugly 'round here.)

I'm throwing creativity out the widow.
No more shopping for the next cool resource.
No more enrolling in the next coolest class.
No. more. pretty. charts.

I do spend time with the girls in their schooling.
I know you know I'm being facetious for the most part.

I just know how much more and how much more rich the learning could be around here if I stepped even deeper into that dumb 'selfless' circle than I already am.
(like instead of just having my pinky toe in, maybe stick the whole dang foot in and while I'm at it, just jump in for a swim, hair and all)

Those problem areas the girls are having, they'd probably disappear within the span of a few weeks if I'd just put our noses to the grind and DO IT.  Maybe.  Or at least I'd know it wasn't because we didn't give it our all, it's just a problem area. period. and I can stop wondering if it really is a problem area or if I'M THE PROBLEM AREA!?

It's day three and my soul is at peace with this.

I'm exhausted, but at peace.

I have 'just done it'.
It's a crazier pace than we're used to but it's leveling out little by little each day.

Praying it lasts for the rest of their just doing it, my selflessness in relating to them.

I love to dream and plan.
That will not stop.
I am just aspiring to not dream and plan as a distraction/procrastination mechanism any longer.

(it's like eating when you really should be is that just me?)

I love my girls.
I love homeschooling.
Then act like it

Just Do It.


Mandy said...

Well. Thanks for this. Planning is so distracting. I'm going to go ahead and claim this for me too.

Courtney Cassada said...

this is good. this is why i've intentionally NOT planned...because i LOVE to plan and create. but my focus is on LOVING and relationship. and that only needs TIME. not cute, well-planned anything.